Growing, my parents both went to Catholic gradeschool and my dad went to the local high school, while my mom continued attending Catholic school. My dad graduated and went to the University of Michigan (Go Blue!) and my Mom attended two years of a Catholic College and then transferred to the University of Michigan. They met during a class on evolutionary biology. Yes, they have a story that rivals many about how they came to be married and subsequently travel half way across the country four times a year, which is two trips more than during my childhood. Why this detour away from getting mad? This leads right into it.
During Lent, everyone, who is Catholic, is encouraged to go to confession. For me, getting the nerve up to go to Confession is tough. Sure, I pray and attend mass regularly. Sometimes I am late and I working on fixing that. My parents, however, had to go to confession weekly as part of school. My Dad served as an alter boy and hence got to know the parish priests well. My dad's only brother, Fred Hoogland, also went to catholic school all the way through college. He died last Spring and we miss him dearly.
The confessional is sacred and priests are not to share stories or what they have heard from it. While you might not share your story or what you said in the confessional, circumstances leading up to the confessional or experiences with the priest can be shared. One of the hilarious parts of being Catholic, in fact, are the stories surrounding the confession experience. If you are not Catholic, this might be hard to imagine.
My dad told me the story about a priest, who did confession for my uncle and his friends, and the priest was hard of hearing. So hard of hearing, in fact, that those waiting to go into confession could sometimes hear the questions asked by the priest. One question, which was asked repeatedly by this priest, however, was, "Did you get mad?" Whatever penance was issued or whatever sins were told, this always came into the discussion with that priest.
So - father (term for the priest), yes, I got mad. For the past 2 weeks and really for the past year, somethings have changed at my work situation and I have not handled them all in the best way. Two weeks ago, I got the final verdict of something that has been in play since I was hired nearly four years ago. I spent a few days thinking about it and then asked again - just to clarify and see what, if anything, I could do. The answer was the same. I then got discouraged, upset, and lastly mad.
The thing about being mad, though, is that it eats away at me (maybe not you but me) and sometimes leads to changes that are not appropriate. I am still working through the emotions and anger, but I have settled on focusing on what I can change. Will the verdict change? No - how I can grow from it can though.
Being 15-24 hours from my siblings and parents at any given time is tough. I thought it might get easier with years passing, but it hasn't. From this distance, it appears in some ways as if you are viewing a video and snippets of life. Communicating realistically is tough. Visiting frequently is equally challenging. Between work and things that have been happening, I let my frustrations with this situation join in with the mad from the work verdict.
Today I am going to confession and I have to admit that I got mad. Admission is always harder than the penance delivered for me. First, working up the courage to admit I am wrong. Then, detailing out why and how I was wrong. Lastly, accepting that I am human and this anger (or other situation) is inevitable and, you guessed it, confession is one way to help you work through it.
Whether or not you are Catholic, the act of thinking through events and situations leading up to final decisions or verdicts can be useful. The priest who asked, "Did you get mad?" truly had a valid point. Anger takes away energy that could be spent in good ways. Let's all try not to get mad and, if we do, find constructive ways to work through it.
