My apologies - I was really (for a whole two weeks) doing well at posting at least once a week. Some challenging, thought provoking, and good things happened this week. It was a also a week filled with moments, where crying (yep, did that once) and a sense of futility enveloped me. Let's rewind to Monday.
I had some great discussions last weekend and recognized that dear old tenure was taking over my life. In fact, while running, it reminded me of the Planet Hoth scene from Star Wars. Side note - I really loved Star Wars a great deal, but then Disney bought it. Sorry - Star Wars, I will only be a fan of your pre-Disney movies. At any rate, back to tenure and the way it was taking over my life. I am sorry, I can plan a trip for x years, until I have a decision. Or, I really need to not take any vacation time, until I have a handle on this. STOP - that's right, my colleague shared this article and suddenly - including the discussions last week - I got a clue. I was letting this big ambiguous, politically filled, frustrating, and seemlingly endless process hamper my creativity, love of learning, and sadly my approach to handling my position. I have not completely rewired my thinking, but I am working on it. My goal, of course, will be to get it, but I want to focus on doing things I like and then applying them towards tenure. This past year (first year in my new position) has not been easy and I am hoping this next year will prove to be a bit less challenging. I got the first year review done and I have incorporated new ways of tracking things, which I hope will make the upcoming reviews less tiresome and stressful. Meanwhile, I am taking a whole 9 days (Sept 7-16th) off and I have no regrets. Yes, I will check email enroute and probably during the work week, because I owe that to the people I work with and to those I support. Besides that, I will be relaxing and having fun for the first time in longer than I care to admit.
Motivation is a tricky thing. I love to learn, but (see previous paragraph) I am not always approaching it as I should. When it comes to running, I usually can get out the door and get the prescribed workout done. Nick Symmonds, two time Olympian in the 800 meter (half mile), spoke to the challenges of running and being an entrepreneur in this Vlog. It is worth watching and he is a fun, energetic, and forward thinking fellow. He will be racing the Honolulu Marathon in December.
So on Thursday, I could barely get out the door (yep, it was hot and I was tired). Also - after rowing for 50 minutes on Wednesday night, I could feel some of my muscles complaining and the moderate pace - well - yeah, that did not go as I hoped. I finished the distance and then I just needed to do some strides (short sprints ~50 meters or equivalent time as prescribed where you work up to 90% effort over a short distance). I had no motivation. So - I checked my mail. Closed the garage door. The motivation was still missing.
Inspiration hit! It was hot and I usually wear a hat while running, because I am fair skinned and sunglasses always fall off my nose and become a nuisance. This led to my forward brim vs. backward brim debate. By changing the hat and having the brim face backwards, I immediately felt cooler and it was just enough to get me moving to do the strides. Little things - folks - can make more of a difference than one might suspect.
So - wherever you are - take a moment, when filled with doubt, frustration, despair, anger, or just plain annoyance - and try to take a large view on the situation. Can I accomplish this today? What have I done today that assists me in accomplishing this goal? If this process is truly filled with pitfalls out-of-my control (hello tenure, weather on race day, etc), why should I spend my energy on something that I cannot influence? Then, find someone or something, who will stick with the facts, and ask them to provide input. If you are lacking motivation, switch up something (ie change the way your hat is facing, try something new (different route, wear earphones), or do what works for you), then go for it. Motivation is fickle thing and getting out the door is (95% of the time) the toughest part.
I am sharing my brim forward/backwards photo below! I truly did not expect it to work, but it did!
Happy Saturday :)
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